I Am Who I am

 

                                             Mother and I

                                                                                                                                                  Mentor Paul and I

Jessica Alvarado

Puente Engl 250A

Synthesis Essay

December 7, 2011

I Am Who I am

“Being Mexican is a state of Soul” - Anzaldua

Growing up in America, life has been both bitter and sweet. I say bittersweet because I am Mexican-American, which has its good and bad sides, but it seems to have more of its bad side at times. Both my parents are Mexican decent, which has engraved their strong culture in me. I cannot say that my culture has affected me negatively, but it has in fact created barriers regarding my education and my social life. With that said my culture and background has in fact had a huge impact on the individual I am today. As a college student in America the aspects that have been most influential in my education, and in forming the person I am today has been: my background, my family, culture, and my former mentor.

“They give up a world they knew for one that is completely foreign based on the belief that they can find a way to make the new country work for them” – Pedro A. Noguera

            As a child I never really noticed what my parents had to go through to come to the United States. It wasn’t until I became a littler older that I gained knowledge. I then also noticed the position that my race had in the United States, and it was then when I created a perception of my own race. Although I perceived my race negatively I still maintained a sense of pride due to my parents struggles. Before I was conceived both my parents crossed la frontera (the border) to come to the United States for a better life. What I can remember from then was that my family found a way to become accustomed to life in America by learning English, being employed, and being civilized people. Although my family quickly attempted to adapt to their new life style, the atmosphere that surrounded us made things a little difficult. From what I can remember our community was a developing city full of drugs, bums, and unsanitary homes. At the time both my parents didn’t have their own transportation so they always walked to their jobs and back home. That was another struggle that my parents had to face. Fortunately, it did not last for long. My parents later then managed to get two jobs to make enough money for the family.

“Si le pregunatas a mi mama que. ‘Que eres?’ te dira, ‘Soy Mexicana’” –Anzaldua

            At the age of three I witnessed my father being arrested in our living room due to selling drugs. That was the toughest thing my family and I faced especially myself, because that was the last time I had my dad in my life. Growing up with a mother taking the role of both parents made things tough on my family.  I noticed my mother grew tired and robust, but she always showed us affection. I truly admired my mother for holding things down when my father wasn’t around. Thanks to my mothers strength I have maintained respect for my race, because she has been a strong Mexican woman that has accomplished a lot for my brothers and sisters and I.

“Until I can take pride in my language, I cannot take pride in myself”-Anzaldua.

            As I grew older I became exposed to society and how it really was, spiteful. I witnessed a lot of hate and discrimination especially in high school. Due to that I noticed that I gradually grew uncomfortable in my own skin, which really made an impact on me. I felt like I couldn’t be myself around my peers because I was afraid that if I showed the real me, I would be showing my culture, which was ashamed. I was afraid of being discriminated against and being neglected. Because of that I developed a state of mind that was not healthy for me. I noticed that I avoided people of certain races. I did want any sort of affiliation with them because I thought I knew what they were like, and what their intentions were. Shame on me, I was being exactly what I claimed they were, judgmental. 

“I will no longer be made to feel ashamed of existing” - Anzaldua

            My sophomore year I joined a program called BUILD. BUILD is an entrepreneurial program that helps students start their own business by learning the skills necessary, while providing us with tutors and mentors to help us academically. I can truly say that BUILD has had an incredible impact on the person I have become today. Thanks to this program I gained the skills, morals, and love that guided me through high school. Not only did they embed their skills, love and support, but they also provided me with an amazing mentor that became a role model in my life. My mentor Paul made a huge impact on me because he provided me with his knowledge and motivational advice that helped me accept the real me, and where I came from. He let me know that it was okay to be myself and to love me for who I am regardless of the background I came from. Towards the end of BUILD, Paul supported me with my music by providing me with the tools necessary to help make my one of my dreams come true. At the time I wanted to sing and record songs and Paul did not fail to help out. He put his time, effort and financial help into keeping my motivation alive. Thanks to BUILD I gained more than just a mentor, but the father figure that I did not have.

            I can honestly say that I have made a huge transformation from the person I was a couple a years ago. I have learned that it is okay to be myself and expose who I am and where I come from. Reflecting on my background and my parents, I have acknowledged that my parents went to through many struggles just for us, me. I have gained admiration for my race, my parents my background, but most importantly myself.  I finally feel a sense of self-identity because I happy with who I have become.